Are You on The Right Path?
Can I make a big assumption?
You have arrived at this page because you are hurting and you desperately want to find a solution that will end the pain and allow you to get your ex back. Yet, you may secretly believe that it isn't realistic, or that a solution simply doesn't exist. In fact, you may have already resigned yourself to the fact that there is little you can do except live with the anguish you are feeling in hope that it will eventually subside.
The thing is: You don't really want to give up. In fact, you are well aware that many people manage to make the right moves and get their ex back every single day. Many people...
But, for now, that reality seems a million miles away. It might work for some people, but you are in a unique situation and it would take a miracle at this point to convince your ex to give you another chance.
Well, I can tell you that I felt exactly the same way after my girlfriend of 3 years decided to give me the boot without so much as a second thought. What was even more hurtful was the fact that I had to stand by and watch as she started seeing someone else not 2 weeks after the breakup. I was beyond devastated and, at one point, I actually couldn't see how I'd ever recover or how life would ever return to normal (let alone, how I'd succeed in getting her back).
Part of the problem was that I was making some fairly classic mistakes. The most damaging was that I simply couldn't stop contacting her. Even though I knew that with every phone message I left, I was killing any chance I had at getting her back.
It truly was the worse time of my life – no doubt about it. I just wanted to be left alone in my misery and rejected anyone who tried to help – that included my friends and family.
The only attempt I made at getting some help was searching the library for a book that would help me to deal with things. With all the self-help books out there, there surly had to something that would guide me through the pain I was experiencing. I was shocked to discover that there was nothing. Of course, there were books dealing with general self-improvement, depression and anxiety, but I was unable to find anything that dealt specifically with how to get an ex back.
Eventually, I stumbled into someone completely by accident – and that changed my life so fast that I still, to this day, am amazed at how quickly I was able to turn things around. In a sense, I had found a mentor - someone with a lot of experience who was able to coach me through this incredibly stressful time. More on this in a bit.
If I did it, so can you
The bottom line is that I was able to turn an impossible situation around and get my ex back. And believe me, if I was able to pull that off, anyone can do it. It doesn't matter how bad things are either – in my case, the relationship with my ex was toxic and anyone in their right mind would have licked their wounds and moved on. I had pushed her to the point where she truly hated my guts.
What I learned from this experience and later talking to as many people as I could, was that the decisions made immediately following the breakup are going to determine your fate fairly quickly. I also learned that the situation is never hopeless – Although it will take a little more time and effort if you have really managed to make a mess of things. Remember, my ex actually hated me and made it clear that she wanted nothing more to do with me, ever.
You Have 4 Choices
What it comes down to is the fact that you have only 4 choices after a breakup:
1. You can play the waiting game
2. You can handle things on your own
3. You can find someone with experience to help you along
4. You can find self-help material that will provide a step-by-step method to get your ex back
1. Refusing help and playing the waiting game
For many people, this is a very viable option, especially if they think that no one can help and that the situation is hopeless anyway. Most of us just want to be left alone after getting dumped - and I can totally relate to that. No one wants to be around other people while trying to deal with the crushing anxiety and depression of the first few days after a split. However, you are not doing yourself any favors by trying to shoulder all that yourself.
While you may eventually be able to get your ex back, you are relying completely on fate and the whims of your former partner. Hey, it's possible that he/she will start missing you and decide that they want to try again, but it is more likely that they will simply get on with their lives as you slowly become a distant, but fond memory. If your plan is to wait around until your ex comes to their senses, then there is a good chance that you will be very disappointed.
2. Refusing help and taking action on your own
For those who are not willing to get help and decide to follow their heart and handle things on their own, life can be interesting to say the least. You see, what most people don't realize is that you are actually allowing your emotions to do your thinking for you. What may seem like a great idea at the time is probably the worst possible thing you can be doing.
Unfortunately, this is exactly what most people resort to after getting dumped – and it is the main reason that so few of us are able to turn things around.
Are you guilty of harassing your ex? Can't take no for an answer? Do you need to resolve things right this second? Do you feel desperate and out of options? Stop for a second and really think about how you are coming across. Would you find that kind of behavior attractive?
The main problem here is that you have no way to judge whether your actions are reasonable. You are in a highly emotional state, acting on impulse, and not really seeing how your actions might be interpreted. In short, you are acting on your own without any plan or input from an outside source to ground you.
3. You find someone with experience to help you along
To me, this is the best thing you can do after a breakup. The reason is that you will have someone there to help you put things in perspective. Two heads are better than one – especially when you are apt to make really bad decisions on your own. This person is not emotionally involved like you are and is, therefore, able to think and offer sensible advice.
He/she will be your sounding board and may even offer solutions that you would not have thought of on your own.
In my case, I would not have been able to get my ex back had I not been introduced to someone who helped me look at things a in a completely different way. It was also comforting to know that I had someone I could get valuable advice from. Strangely enough, we hadn't even known each other for that long. He wasn't a long time friend or anything like that; but one thing that he did have, which my other friends did not, was experience – and lots of it.
So the best advice I can give here is to talk to other people that seem to have been there and done that with relationships and breakups. Your friends may have the best intentions, but the advice they give could be sub-par.
4. Using self-help material and courses
The magic bullet? Perhaps...
If you are not able to find anyone to help you through this, the next best option is to find a self-help program/course. I'm not talking about a general self-help book, but a custom made course that is designed specifically to guide you through the process of getting your ex back. It's like having your very own adviser there with you every step of the way.
You won't find this type of material at any book store – believe me, I have tried. Maybe that's why the price of the course is considerably more than your average paperback at around $40 (which seems a bit expensive to me). Of course, highly specialized information is always pricey. I guess if it helps you get your ex back, it's a small price to pay.